Wild Plums

Banned Words - ‘Complicated’

I have found of late I am now banning the use of certain words when meeting/dating people. The first on the list (I hope there are not more, but I suspect there will be) is ‘complicated’ particularly when used in the following sentence:

“I’m kinda complicated”

Here we go, what possible thing in your life could make you ‘complicated’, you have financial worries, a major health problem…in my experience it’s none of those, it’s always ‘erm…me and my ex…’ That’s when it starts to fall apart just when you thought “Oh this is nice, I’m enjoying this…”

I’m not one to dismiss someone instantly, in many ways I’m too patient with people. I’m cool with you living with your ex, I’m cool with the fact you’re seperated and doing you’re own things. What I’m not cool with is a) you haven’t told her you’re dating again b) I’m you’re dirty little secret / fuck buddy / rebound fuck c) You’re selfish in hurting me and her.

Come back to me when you’re ‘simple’!

Where art thou?

Where art thou, indeed? Well my dearest followers (if you are still following) I am still alive and kicking! Unfortunately I have no real justification for leaving the realms of anonymous blogging other than the usual excuse “life got in the way”.
I can honestly say not much has changed (sadly). Readers will be happy or possibly unhappy to be advised that I still remain single and for the third year in a row! In a rather unique way I’m proud and upset at this fact at the same time!

However the desire to start writing again has come back with a vengeance and I will attempt to re-ignite my previous posting prowess!

Hope you are all well.

And the winner is…

#4 - They are keeping me on tenterhooks, playing it cool. It doesn’t make you cool it just makes you annoying! Seriously it takes a few seconds (to a few minutes depending on how much you fancy the person) to send a text. However I’m not going to proceed with radical behaviour, those lingerie self portraits are there for reeling them in once they’re caught on the hook! Even worse I send them and still get no response (self destruct button pressed)!

Reply for god’s sake!

I hate waiting for replies to emails or texts, in particular awaiting replies from texts of people you have just met or are going to meet in the very near future.

I sit here awaiting one of those very said replies - the gratifying ‘all is well’ reply. I sent it last night at 9pm. It’s now 3:30pm the following day and I think I’ve pretty much exhausted every excuse possible, here are just a few:

1) They were out last night and now have a hangover
2) They have been to busy to reply
3) They read my text but inadvertently forgot to text back
4) They are keeping me on tenterhooks, playing it cool
5) They think I’m ugly (we have never met and this can be an added factor)
6) My sense of humour in my text was lost in translation
7) Battery has run out

Now to the ludicrous excuses:

8) They have lost their phone
9) They’ve been injured in an accident and can’t use their hands to text
10) I sent the message to the wrong number (PANIC MODE sets in here)

Right, time for a cup of tea before I implode! Should really get someone to confiscate my phone too, to prevent future fruitless ‘checking’.

Should I be worried?

I dreamt last night that a snake similar to a python latched it’s fangs onto a mans penis through his trousers. I couldn’t see the mans face as he screamed in pain. As I stood there I felt perfectly calm and at ease with the violent situation unfolding in front of me. I did nothing, I didn’t want to do anything!

In previous posts I have discussed the fact that I can dissect my dreams and know why I dreamt something, however it worries me that my dreams although I know their basis are becoming so extreme. I understand the above segment of my dream to be me expressing my anger at/with men (an ex has found a new partner he is smitten with and my jealousy has transformed into aggression) the snake element could be some kind of sexual frustration (very Freudian I know but as I have not been ‘attended’ to recently I suspect this is the case).

I’m not entirely sure what to do, I know many would suggest changing the way I think I may resort to just sitting it out, let the emotions run their course and hope some balance will return.

Here’s to another nights restful slumber and tangled thoughts.

Silence makes the mind noisy

My internal chitter-chatter is wearing thin on me today. My desperate attempt to overide all those hideously negative comments it likes to make to me.

It’s true it is so easy to slip into negative thought, the internal battle constant in nature. I would feel so much better if I could just scream with all the air in my lungs. It may be silent here at the moment but someone would hear that scream and think I was in serious trouble. I’m not but I am desperate for a release, some people resort to drink, drugs or the polite ‘I’ll go for a jog to calm down’. I just want to scream, just once…that’s all I need just to let go of all the hate, anger, pain and vindiction I torture myself with.

I know it’s not me and I’m above all that, but only if I could just scream and remove it from my system

Celebacy

Celibacy refers to a state of not being married, or a state of abstention from sexual intercourse or vow of marriage

I certainly haven’t ‘abstained’ myself from sex, I just can’t find/get any at the moment. People say “Oh it’s like riding a bike, once you learn you never forget” well you might remember how to have sex however you might not remember how it felt.

I feel as though I have sexual amnesia, as forementioned I know you must insert body part A into B but I can’t remember the sensation. I have these terrible blank patches in fantasies. Great, I now have artists block as well as sexual amnesia! You gotta laugh sometimes!

Listen to your gut

I’ve previously discussed going on ‘gut-instincts’ with regards to people and relationships. I do find it odd how my stomach is so reactive to different situations.

When I am jealous or suddenly hurt I get low level ache right across my the middle of my belly. It isn’t my stomach, more like a muscles that stretch across there. Emotional pain is based in the mind but it amazes me how my body has to react, sometimes out of character with my mind. I may be calm of mind, but my body is shouting out a completely different message!

It isn’t just negative impulses your body reacts to, positive as well. Think of ‘butterflies’ in your stomach, that light sometimes vaguelly nausiating sensation (not the best when your around someone you like but still it is your body trying to communicate).

I never know which to follow my body or my mind, they send me mixed signals all the time. Hopefully one day they’ll agree on someone!